Dear Reader,
So, From Scratch on Netflix. OMG!!
Have you seen it? Well, if you haven't, I’m sorry because there will be some spoilers in this article. But if you have seen it, then let's talk.
What was this emotional roller coaster? I mean healthy one day, dead the next? My God!!!
Well, let me tell you how I felt and share a few lessons I took from Lisa on grief.
People all over the globe are hanging to hope by a thread because they are probably out of tears or out of chances.
If you are struggling with grief at this time, my condolences to you. I may not understand what you're going through or your relationship with your lost loved one, but I have a few pointers to help you grieve.
1. Let Go Of The Anger, The Guilt, The Feeling Of Helplessness And Hopelessness. Just Rid Yourself Of All Negative Emotions.
While this might not be as easy as it sounds, you need to struggle to do it. Blaming yourself is not going to bring back your loved one. It will only fill you with feelings of resentment towards yourself that will lead to bigger problems in the future.
Yes, there's no hope of seeing them again, hugging them, loving them, etc., but don't allow those emotions of helplessness and hopelessness to consume you. The adverse effect is your life will stand still when you need to move on and be with those who are still here.
In some cases, when you lose a spouse, you might need to be strong for children or other family members that you shared the spouse with. Letting hopelessness and helplessness consume you puts you in a mental space where you can't even function let alone be there to help others who need your help with processing their grief.
I must warn you that this doesn't mean that you deny yourself the opportunity to let it out and just hold in how you're feeling. This means you feel the emotions but you don't let them overwhelm you.
Action Point: Feel the emotions, and be in touch with them but don't let them define your thoughts and actions.
2. Allow Yourself To Be In The Present; Take It One Day At A Time
Sometimes, people develop coping mechanisms by disappearing mentally and emotionally when they are grieving. The challenge with that is you resent yourself much later because you start feeling like you didn't properly grieve and then proceed to breed feelings of self-loathing, and guilt, and open doors that you don't want to go through.
I will suggest that you be physically, emotionally, and mentally present during the time when you're grieving, planning the burial ceremony, talking to children, receiving guests, etc.
You might be in pain but be there, and listen to them talk about times shared with the deceased, fun times, sad times, etc. Be there.
Then take it one day at a time. Thinking far into the future will produce feelings of dejection and hopelessness especially since at the time all you see is darkness.
I agree it will be tough but just take it one day at a time. You will never be able to replace them or live without them but you will learn to cope and that doesn't happen in one day.
Action Point: Realise that this is not the end. It might look like the end but it is not the end. Resolve to just put one foot in front of the other and see how it goes.
3. Ask for and receive help
There’s a kind of silence that grief brings. It’s the kind where people expect you to say what you need, but your lips feel too heavy to move. Your chest is full, your eyes are swollen, and yet somehow, people still expect you to lead the way.
In From Scratch, when Lino died, Lisa didn’t even know how to be. She stood in that kitchen, unable to breathe, lost in the aroma of a life that used to be. Her friends and family didn’t wait for her to ask. They came. They stayed. They fed her. They held her when she broke down on the stairs.
Sometimes help won’t knock. You’ll have to open your mouth and ask. That doesn’t make you weak. That makes you human.
Grief is not meant to be carried alone.
Action Point: Reach out to one person today. Tell them what you need, even if it’s just someone to sit in silence with you. You don't have to be strong right now. You just need to be honest.
4. Remove negative words from your vocabulary
Grief already speaks loud. Don’t give it a mic. Don’t let your tongue become the weapon that turns pain into permanence.
You’ll feel tempted to say things like “I’m finished” or “There’s no point anymore.” But that’s not the truth. That’s your wound talking. And if you don’t check it, those words will harden into your belief system.
In From Scratch, Lisa never said she was done. She cried, she collapsed, she questioned. But she never buried herself alongside her husband. Even in pain, her words reached for life. That’s what you must do. That’s how you survive.
Let your mouth fight for your soul.
Action Point: Pause every time you want to say something negative about yourself or your future. Say something gentle instead. You don’t have to fake joy, but you must refuse to curse your tomorrow.
5. Realise That The Show Must Go OnThis part will sting. Life doesn’t stop when someone dies. The world keeps spinning. The light still comes through the window. People still say good morning. It almost feels cruel.
But the truth is, life’s consistency is also its kindness. It forces you to live. To move. To eat. To shower. To show up.
Lisa still had to raise her daughter. She still had to sign documents. She still had to be seen when all she wanted was to disappear into grief. She didn’t pretend to be okay. She just kept showing up.
So must you. It’s not betrayal. It’s survival.
Action Point: Pick one small thing to do today, even if it’s just brushing your teeth or warming leftover soup. Let your body remember that you are still here.
6. Build community
There’s a sacredness in shared grief. That final scene, where Lisa and her loved ones planted vines in Lino’s memory, wasn’t just a tribute. It was healing in action. They laughed. They cried. They remembered. Together.
You need that too. You may think isolating yourself will protect you, but grief grows darker in silence. It becomes a shadow that wraps around your soul.
Let people in. Let them talk about your loved one. Let them cry with you. Let them bring food you didn’t ask for. Don’t resist the gift of community. It is God's way of holding you through people.
Action Point: Don’t cancel that call. Don’t ignore that knock. Grief may need solitude, but it cannot thrive in isolation. Let yourself be seen.
7. Depend on God
There are places in grief no therapist, friend, or journal can reach. Only God can touch those wounds. The ones that feel like holes. The ones that make you question everything.
God is not offended by your tears. He’s not shocked by your silence. He’s not tired of your questions.
In From Scratch, Lisa sat in silence so many times. No prayers. No affirmations. Just deep sorrow. And somehow, she was still held.
That’s what God does. He holds.
You don’t need to pray a perfect prayer. You just need to whisper, “Lord, I don’t know what to do.” That’s enough. He hears that.
Action Point: Don’t force the words. Just be in His presence today. Play worship. Sit quietly. Cry if you need to. Let God carry what you can’t.
I hope this article has helped you in some way. If you are reading this and you have advice to offer, please drop it in the comments.
Your words may just be soothing someone who is in dire need of comfort.
As I said earlier, I may not know you, but I feel you and I want you to know that this, too, will pass.