Dear Reader,
Let's talk Confidence.
While True, confidence is all of these, do you know that more often than not, confidence or the lack of it is tilted toward the lack of physical attributes? Regular people lack confidence because they have big boobs or they are considered short, or they have a bulging tummy ...
The list is endless.
Let me tell you a story about myself. I am a big girl. Always have been a big girl. I try as much as I can to stay under size 14 with diets and physical exercise. Sometimes I let go and I shoot to 18 and then I try to go down again and the cycle continues.
One thing I have observed over the years, even at age 14 and under is even at my lowest, I still didn't feel confident. I was busy overthinking everything and swallowing my opinions because I didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to myself.
Why didn't I want the attention? Well if your guess was because I was uncomfortable in my skin then you are right. Apparently, the size wasn't the actual issue because if it was then confidence had to come with being lighter but even that didn't solve the problem. And so this went on for years especially after I could no longer work out due to a health challenge.
Very recently, something happened to me that completely changed the way I think and improved my confidence. I was at a Christian meeting and the prophet called me out and gave me a word. He said to me" Daughter I call you beautiful". That Phrase left me dumbfounded and excited at the same time. I had never felt so loved in my entire life. Here I was struggling with body image issues and here is Abba announcing to the world that my issues were irrelevant because to him, I was beautiful. Imagine the tears of acceptance and love that I cried. All I could think was; he calls me beautiful, weight regardless.
Now you would think that after this encounter my confidence level will be 1000% but I still struggle especially in the area of receiving compliments and affection. I am not there yet but we are making progress.
I know you are wondering why I took the time to tell you this story, well I wanted you to know that even though I know Confidence is an aura that announces me even before I show up. I still struggle.
This is why I am not here to tell you about five things I read on the internet on how to build confidence. I want to tell you 5 things that have worked for me and still do.
My main area of struggle is around receiving male attention. When I meet men, I don't immediately think I am desirable to them. I just assume that they want nothing to do with me and so I can't handle it if they compliment me or even want to get to know me.
This lack of confidence might be one of the reasons why I am single. The keyword is might.
Below are 5 things that have helped me get to where I am now.
I am still putting in the work but here are a few pointers.
1. Change your Mindset.
People generally perceive you how you perceive yourself.
If you don't project the aura that confidence brings with it, people will treat you like you are nothing. If you give off I know my worth vibes, people will treat you with respect. For me, this meant that stepping into any room I zeroed in on my mental prowess and not my physical attributes. This made me deliver presentations with ease because I was brandishing something that made me feel powerful. If I had applied this to my love life I'm sure I would have also made progress in that area. Fortunately, I am doing that now and it's helping me build confidence enough to receive compliments and attention from the opposite sex and not miss my steps.
In life, you win the mental battle before you win physically. So let's start working on the mind, shall we?
Action Point: Begin today to change how you perceive yourself and watch your confidence level receive a booster.
2. Do A Self-Audit.
Do a detailed SWOT Analysis on yourself.
Can you remember where you first got the idea about your physical or non-physical attributes that made you lose your confidence?
Try retracing your steps to where it all began and then work your way up. For example, my size and society's view of people who look like me is the greatest challenge I have with confidence.
So, I began to look at myself in the mirror and say their loss. if all they see is size then they don't deserve you. Then I went from there to say you are a beautiful baby girl, then I graduated to saying you are desirable all this while looking into the mirror. This became a routine for when I was dressing up every morning to work.
It took a while to be able to say these words but I did because I recognized where it all began and tried to work my way up.
Action Point: Take a trip down memory lane and then start making corrections and work your way up.
3. Focus on Your Strengths.
I mentioned earlier that I didn't have issues with official presentations and that I took command of every official meeting room I stepped into. Well, the reason is that I understood that I am very intelligent and I am good at what I do.
So, this awareness gave me some sort of superpower, and though I couldn't receive compliments or think myself worthy to date, certain men, I speak to them about business and literally blow their business minds away or so I thought.
This made me feel special and command so much authority at work and in business. The mistake I made was I didn't apply this to every area of my life.
Action Point: Make a list of your strengths and then bask in and develop them.
4. Change your Physique/Dress Sense.
If you don't like how you look and it is within your power, then change it.
I got personal trainers and registered at the Gym. I also worked on my diet and was sure to adhere strictly.
While I am almost at 20 now, once I sort out my health I will work on the rest.
Dear reader, You have the power to change what you do not like and accept what you can't change.
Please use that power. it will solve at least 60% of the problem or 100% if you combine it with everything we have discussed today.
Action Point: Make a move to start working on everything that needs working on.
5. Love Yourself.
This is the Ultimate.
Fall in love with yourself. Fall in love with your imperfections, your strengths, weaknesses, high points, and low points. Celebrate yourself. Consider God's love for you and know that you are worth it.
Stop loathing yourself and beating yourself up over small/ Big mistakes. Focus on God's love for you and let that change the way you see yourself.
God's message to me changed my perspective even deeper. Let that be your story.
Action point: be intentional about loving yourself.
So, do these work? Let's talk in the comments. Remember we are being as human as the internet allows.
If you need to talk, I am here.
In the meantime,have Fun!
Ujay Unphiltered